David Bruce

Honey Badger Goes to Hell - and Heaven David Bruce

Honey Badger is a creative person who was raped and murdered and paid a visit to the afterlife. An excerpt from before she died: Honey Badger and Martha did not want anyone to know that they were first-year students, so whenever they got lost on campus the first day they would not ask anyone for directions or look at a map in public. Instead, they would go into a women's restroom, lock themselves in a stall, pull out a map and then figure out where they were. In college, Honey Badger took an English composition course in which the instructor talked about how to avoid discriminatory language. One sentence the instructor used was this: "Irishmen are drunks." Of course, this is a stereotype, and stereotypes should be avoided. However, Honey struck a blow for feminism by saying, "The sentence is sexist because Irish women can be drunks, too."In college, Honey Badger took a composition course in which she was required to write a set of instructions. She remembered writing in code at summer camp while she was a kid, and so she wrote instructions titled "How to Communicate with Other Small Underground Resistance Movements." In the introduction, she explained that someday the United States might be taken over by bad guys, and that she and other college students would form small underground resistance movements to fight the bad guys. To communicate with other small underground resistance movements, they would have to use coded messages. After explaining how to write in code, she ended with a message that the readers would have to decode. Decoded, the message said, "Rest easy in the knowledge that rebellion is what makes America great. Let freedom ring." To test her set of instructions, Honey used a performance test. Thinking that if the United States were taken over by bad guys that they would fire all the police officers and install armed goons in their place, she used the local police parking lot as a location for the test. She had one friend write a message in code and then tie it to a dog's collar and send the dog to another friend on the other side of the police parking lot. In her short tongue-in-cheek report on the performance test, she wrote that she knew that the test was a success because 1) the second friend was able to decode what the first friend had written, and 2) armed goons had not woken her in the middle of the night, taken her away, and tortured her. Honey Badger was careless in crossing the street one day and was almost hit by a taxi, but fortunately a man yelled, "LOOK OUT!" and grabbed her arm and pulled her out of danger. The man was actor Ryan Gosling, who said to her, "Hey, girl," and then recommended that she read Rebecca West's books. Mr. Gosling told Honey that Ms. West had once said, "I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a door mat or a prostitute." After talking with Mr. Gosling briefly, Honey thought, "When I look into your eyes, I see the revolution." Actually, this did not happen to Honey, but she liked to think that it could happen to her someday. While Honey Badger was in college, she and a friend got in an elevator in an apartment building late at night. In a corner of the elevator was a man who had gotten drunk with some other people and then passed out in the elevator and peed himself. Apparently, the "friends" he had been with had also needed to pee really badly, so they had peed on him. Honey had not drunk much alcohol in her life, and she resolved to not drink any alcohol in her life. She liked being safe and being aware of what was happening around her. Honey and her friend left the man in the elevator, but Honey called the police so the man could get some much-needed help