Rudyard Kipling

Soldiers Three Rudyard Kipling

Hit a man an' help a woman, an' ye can't be far wrong anyways.-Maxims of PrivateMulvaney. The Inexpressibles gave a ball. They borrowed a seven-pounder from the Gunners, andwreathed it with laurels, and made the dancing-floor plate-glass, and provided a supper, the like of which had never been eaten before, and set two sentries at the door of the roomto hold the trays of programme-cards. My friend, Private Mulvaney, was one of the sentries, because he was the tallest man in the regiment. When the dance was fairly started thesentries were released, and Private Mulvaney went to curry favour with the Mess Sergeantin charge of the supper. Whether the Mess Sergeant gave or Mulvaney took, I cannot say. Allthat I am certain of is that, at supper-time, I found Mulvaney with Private Ortheris, twothirds of a ham, a loaf of bread, half a pate-de-foie-gras, and two magnums of champagne, sitting on the roof of my carriage. As I came up I heard him saying-'Praise be a danst doesn't come as often as Ord'ly-room, or, by this an' that, Orth'ris, meson, I wud be the dishgrace av the rig'mint instid av the brightest jool in uts crown.''Hand the Colonel's pet noosance, ' said Ortheris. 'But wot makes you curse your rations?This 'ere fizzy stuff's good enough.''Stuff, ye oncivilised pagin! 'Tis champagne we're dhrinkin' now. 'Tisn't that I am setag'in. 'Tis this quare stuff wid the little bits av black leather in it. I misdoubt I will bedistressin'ly sick wid it in the mornin'. Fwhat is ut?''Goose liver, ' I said, climbing on the top of the carriage, for I knew that it was better to sitout with Mulvaney than to dance many dances.'Goose liver is ut?' said Mulvaney. 'Faith, I'm thinkin' thim that makes it wud do bettherto cut up the Colonel. He carries a power av liver undher his right arrum whin the days arewarm an' the nights chill. He wud give thim tons an' tons av liver. 'Tis he sez so. "I'm allliver to-day," sez he; an' wid that he ordhers me ten days C. B. for as moild a dhrink as iver agood sodger tuk betune his teeth.''That was when 'e wanted for to wash 'isself in the Fort Ditch, ' Ortheris explained. 'Saidthere was too much beer in the Barrack water-butts for a God-fearing man. You was luckyin gettin' orf with wot you did, Mulv